Ontology of Facebook: In memory of R.A.

Three years ago, a college friend of mine died in a traffic accident. It seems that no one knew he was legally blind and when he stepped in front of a car, it killed him instantly.

He was the type of person for whom saying are coined, like “only the good die young”. He was inspirational, motivated, deeply compassionate. All the things that we loved about him also made him occasionally annoying. If you were being selfish, he would let you know in his own subtle way. I know that’s not the sort of thing people say about the dearly departed, but it seems more unfair to lie than to admit my own faults to my friend now in the afterlife- whatever it might be. He was Buddhist, I think, with an interest in native traditions. Or maybe its the other way around.

I hope he came back as a tree. They are about the most immortal and regal beings I can think of and he deserves the best.

While he and I were not what would be considered the closest of friends, he was someone I spent many hours talking with, discussing philosophy and religion, and generally trying to imagine our way into creating Utopian societies. Peace was our mutual passion. We went to parties together, took yoga classes together, hung with the same crowd, took similar classes, cared for the same causes. Despite all of this, or perhaps because of this, we were never Facebook friends. I know we both were somewhat resistant to the fad and, while we both had profiles, we were less than enthusiastic users. And so, in cyberworld, we never connected.

It bothers me now that there is no record of our relationship. Sure there are a few photos out there in the cyber-web where we smile at the camera with arms on each others’ shoulders. But, as I discovered when I heard the news of his tragedy, I could not leave my wishes and thoughts on his wall. I could not put my regards out there for other people to see. I wish I could, if only so his family could know that there is one more person out there who still thinks of him.

One small mercy is that his privacy settings were lax enough for me to see his wall. I could check in occasionally, to see who else had been thinking about him. It’s surreal, because it feels like I have stepped into some dusty corner of the internet. It’s like a shrine. I sent him a friend request even though I knew it was too late.

Sadly, today I wanted to stop by, which always required the convoluted approach of finding a mutual friend and searching their friend list for his profile. He was no where to be found. I guess Facebook determined he was gone. Wild thing to think about- it like the pronouncement has happened all over again. I actually cried again. I guess I hoped it would always be there.

Maybe someday I will find a tree that reminds me of him. If so, I will leave messages for him there. Until then R.A., rest in peace.

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